Tag Archives: Feel

What to Do If You Feel Like He’s Cheating

I sometimes get emails from women who are starting to suspect that their husbands or boyfriends are cheating.  They aren’t sure how to proceed.  They often wonder whether they should ask or admit to their suspicions or if they should just watch and wait for awhile.  And, they want to know what they should be doing if they decide not to confront him right away.  Or, if they do chose to confront him, how should they do it? What should they say?  I’ll address these questions in the following article.

Why I Recommend Waiting To Confront Him About Your Suspicions That He’s Cheating:  As you can probably tell, I recommend watching and waiting for a bit.  This recommendation comes from both personal experience and from seeing this scenario with my readers so many times.  You are usually going to be in a much better position if you don’t place your cards on the table too early.  This is a very serious accusation and before you actually say it, you should make sure that you are right about it.  Your relationship could be seriously damaged if you start making accusations that are just plain wrong.

What if he’s not cheating? How bad will this make you look? And, let’s say that he is cheating but you don’t yet have any proof.  Do you think he’s going to admit it if he doesn’t have to?  From my observations, this is very unlikely. It’s more likely that he will deny everything and then proceed to do a better job of what he’s already been doing.  He’ll be more careful and leave less clues so that actually obtaining the proof is just that much harder for you.

Watching And Waiting The Right Way:  If you’ve decided to bide your time, approach this in a very systematic and logical way. First, ask yourself why you think he may be cheating.  Pinpoint exactly those things that are the source of your suspicions.  Many women are just too vague in this step.  They’ll say things like: “well, it’s just a feeling that I have,” or “he is just acting weird and different around me.”  These things may well be true, but they aren’t specific enough to allow you to follow up on them.   You want to take these off feelings and then follow them up.  On the days that you notice him acting weird, are there any weird numbers or texts on his cell phone?  Was he gone longer than he was supposed to be or not where he said he was?” 

The real key is turn your suspicion that you can’t yet quantify into something very specific on which you can follow up.  Check his cell phone, his car, his computer, his work space, and any drawers that have keys, etc.  Of course, you want to do this when he isn’t around.  The phone often is challenging because most people have this on them most of the time. But, he has to sleep.  He has to shower.  They are usually short pockets of time where you can access to this to check out the call logs, in box, and photos.

People often ask me how are they supposed to act like everything is normal when it very much isn’t.  I often hear things like “so I’m just supposed to continue to be affectionate to him like nothing is wrong when I know that he’s probably lying to me?”  I know that this is difficult. I often recommend that you come up with a distraction or issue that you can use to excuse your distance.  You have a project due at work.  You’re under a lot of stress at school.  You have some extended family issue that needs your attention right now.  You have a cold.  Use whatever works to explain why you’re not acting the way that you typically would.

How To Confront Him About Your Cheating Suspicions: First, I can’t stress enough how much you should have all of your proof lined up when you go to do this.  Just having feelings or seeing weird phone numbers isn’t going to be enough to get an admission out of him.  Follow up the weird phone numbers with reverse look up.  If he’s deleted everything, get the software that will bring it back.  The same is true of his computer.  There are programs that will show you all the screens and activity on that computer or phone so that you can read everything as it took place.  Once you’ve done your homework, the picture should become crystal clear.

Of course, if all this snooping shows that he hasn’t been cheating, then you and he are both in the clear.  Luckily, he will never need to know what you suspected and your relationship has not been damaged.  But, if you do find out that your fears are true, then you will have to decide how to approach this.  Always make yourself look like you gave him the benefit of the doubt.  Tell him that you followed up on your suspicions because you were looking for confirmation that they weren’t true and you didn’t want to insult him with suspicions that you knew would be turn out to be wrong.  But, imagine your surprise and disappointment when you found out that you were wrong. 

He’ll usually take it from there.  Some men will be so blatant as to continue to deny it and some won’t continue to insult your intelligence when the proof is right in front of them.  At this point, you’ll need to decide where you want to go from here, but at least now you have all of the information that you need to make that decision.

I was in this same situation a short time ago. I tried to confront my husband too soon, before I had proof, and of course he denied everything. I tried to believe him, but the doubts remained. I decided that I really wanted to know the truth, no matter what that truth was. I learned how to get concrete information and proof that my husband thought that he had hid and erased. Once I presented this to him, he had no choice but to come clean. You can read my very personal story at http://catch-the-cheating.com/

What and When make you feel proudest in WoW game?

What achievement or event is your proudest WoW moment? World of Wacraft has a lot of major milestones, many of which are punctuated by achievements, cool titles or flashy mounts. I think there should be memorys are deeply kept in your mind. Will you shared with us? Let’s listen to others first.

Darren Brown: When I first started thinking of this subject, I assumed reaching level 80 would be my proudest WoW moment, considering it was the first time I reached max level. I started playing WoW during The Burning Crusade and leveled very slowly, spending way too much time in PvP, which didn’t reward experience at the time. I took a couple of breaks and didn’t hit max level until the early months of Wrath of the Lich King. But in retrospect, I recalled my thought when I reached 80: “Okay, now the real game begins.” My next thought was that the moments that my guild first cleared Naxx-25 or Yogg Saron or the Lich King might be the pinnacle of pride for me in WoW.

Then I realized the truth. The moment when I probably felt the best about my WoW self was when I finally matched (and eventually beat) the gear of my best friend who plays and could beat him in duels. I’d watched this rogue friend, from BC to Wrath, stealth around and slay countless foes in battlegrounds, arena, and world PvP. I’d seen him win 2 of 3 duels against the very best-geared rogue on our server, and I could beat him. That was awesome. Plus, a bit of friend vs. friend gloating didn’t hurt the ego.

Trefpoid: I’ve been helping a new guy in our guild to learn about the game, ’cause the person that invited him with RAF only wanted the free month and mount and didn’t tell him anything. So me and my girlfriend have been teaching him about everything. I gave him 250g to get his flying mount too and he has been playing for a month or so? and he is growing to be an awesome player. He learned about professions at level 60 and went running to level mining and blacksmith, he is now reading guides abour everything, looking at specs and learning about everything. I feel really proud when I look at him, ’cause he a really nice guy who wants to learn and become good. He told me the other day he was really thankful for our help all the time and he said he would buy me a month of game time just for my kindness. I felt great, realizing just how much he thanks us for helping him. It’s great to help new people get into the game.

CrossEyed: Early Cata, one of my first times through Vortex Pinnacle in a PUG. We got to one of the Young Storm Dragons that drops an AoE heal at the start of the fight. Well our tank went down in like 2 seconds, before ever getting the Dragon off the AoE. I was next on his list so he came at me, a rogue… I kept Recuperate ticking and popped several of my defensive cooldowns and successfully tanked the dragon from basically full health. Saved my party from a wipe and had both my healer and tanks respect for the rest of the run.

So what about your proudest time in wow game? Share with us in MMocarts.com.

Source: What and When make you feel proudest in wow game?

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I Feel Like My Life Is Destroyed Because Of My Husband’s Cheating

I sometimes hear from wives who are struggling greatly after a husband’s cheating, infidelity, or affair. I understand how devastating this can feel. You can feel as if your entire married life was a lie. You can feel like the love and commitment was all one sided. And you wonder how you could have been so blind and so vulnerable.

I recently heard from a wife who said, in part: “My husband’s affair has literally destroyed my life. Before I found out about his cheating, I was a happy, trusting, and extroverted person. I had a job I loved and many friends. I had a good marriage that made me very happy. I had a full life. But now, all that has changed. My marriage is in shambles. I no longer trust people and am very guarded. I am no longer happy go lucky. I’ve lost some friends that were mutual to both of us. I also lost my job and although I was told it was due to downsizing, I suspect my depression and the changes in me had something to do with it. I feel such rage for my husband for doing this to us. I feel as if my whole life has been stolen, ruined, and taken away. Will I ever stop feeling this way? When will it get better?”

Letters like these bring back a lot of memories for me. I remember how it felt to wonder if your whole life was just pulled out from under you like prank chair or a magician’s rug. It’s not a good feeling and it hurts to the core. But, I want you to know that it can and often does get better. In the following article, my goal is to offer you a little perspective and support in the hopes that it makes you feel a little bit better and provides you with some relief.

I Know That You May Feel As If Your Life Is Destroyed, But Take Stock Of What You Still Have: By no means am I trying to minimize what you feel. I have been there because my own husband had an affair and I know that your feelings are absolutely valid and understandable. I know that it feels as if you’re waking up to a life that is both strange and undesirable and this is so unfair because you did nothing wrong and you are at the mercy of someone else’s actions and decisions.

At the same time though, as powerful and as devastating as this all can be, you have to throw yourself a life raft sometimes. Because it’s not fair for you to have to feel this way for one second longer than is necessary. Yes, your life has no doubt changed. And yes, some of these changes might be negative ones. But by classifying your life as ruined, you may well be selling yourself short and missing out on the opportunities and gifts that you still possess.

Please don’t misunderstand and think that I’m trying to minimize or gloss over what you feel. I’m truly not. But at the same time, I know from experience that it often does get better and I don’t want for you to continue to feel hopeless if you do not have to. Yes, you may have lost your perception of your marriage before the affair. But you haven’t lost yourself, your gifts, your extended family, your ability to love again one day, and your ability to recover.

I know this hurts, but sometimes, in order to feel better, some perspective can help. Take inventory of what you do still have. Some examples which may be applicable are: your home; your family; your health; your remaining friends (who are likely better and more genuine friends than the ones who left at the first sign of trouble;) your skills and talents (which likely mean that you can get a new and perhaps better job;) and the wonderful and capable woman that you still are.

It’s so important to understand that one person’s actions and decisions should not and do not affect who you are. They don’t change the gifts that you have and the uniqueness of you. Yes, they may well have affected you in a negative way. And this is no doubt painful. But no one can rob you of yourself.

I remember telling a very good friend that I felt like life as I knew it was over after my husband’s affair. At the time, what she said annoyed me, but looking back, I can see now that it was exactly what I needed. She said something like: “yes, your life has changed and that’s not fair. But your life is not over. You still have your life which is more than our friend with breast cancer might be able to say. One day you will smile and love and laugh again because you are a wonderful person who deserves nothing less than that. This will happen because your spirit and essence can not and will not be crushed. You are a fighter, although you may not know or feel it right now. I have no doubt that you will one day love the life that you have rebuilt although the process may not be all that pleasant right now.”

I didn’t want to hear her words that day, but everything that she said turned out to be true. I know that when infidelity happens to you, it can feel like your life is being altered forever. But recovery is not only possible, it happens each and every day. Some people are actually able to learn from this process so that some good comes out of the bad. Some rebuild their marriage and even more rebuild themselves. I don’t mean to minimize what you are feeling, but I do want you to know that it can and often does get better over time and I don’t want for you to allow your present thinking and discouraging feelings to cloud your future, which will often turn out to be a whole lot brighter than what feels possible today.

As I alluded to, I did not believe a couple of years ago that I would be where I am today. My marriage did recover, but more importantly, I learned a lot about myself and just how strong and capable I truly was and I don’t think I’d trade that for anything. If it helps, you can read more of my story on my blog at http://surviving-the-affair.com/

Katie Lersch writes articles about moving past an affair.  Her corresponding blog is at http://surviving-the-affair.com/.  Her article website is at http://katie-lersch-articles.com

Is Cheating on your Diet Making you Feel

Copyright (c) 2007 Leeann Simons

The next time I hear someone say “I was bad” when referring to cheating on their diet, I just may have to shoot them. I meet successful people all the time — people who have achieved great things in business, sports, academics, you name it. I bet I could live very comfortably off just the taxes that some of these people pay!! Do they consider themselves successful? Are they happy with their lives? Generally speaking, yes, they do. But there is one area in which they consider themselves to be failures — and they would trade in their success any day to attain just this one goal: to lose weight.

Last week, one of my clients came into my office, head down, staring at the floor as if she were ashamed. She was ashamed. We exchanged our hellos, and I asked how she was doing. She looked sheepishly up at me and said, “I was bad.” I looked at her and heard myself ask, “Did you rob a bank?” “No,” she replied. “Did you shoot someone?” Again: “No.” So I asked her what possibly could have happened to make her so upset, and she said, “I ate three pieces of birthday cake at my daughter’s party.”

Why is it that people place judgment on themselves based on their eating behaviors? It’s maddening! Someone considers themselves a “bad” or “good” person according to what they have eaten? Doesn’t it sound crazy? Don’t you think someone is good or bad based on, well, whether they’ve robbed a bank? Abused their child? Voted for the other candidate?

Yet we measure our worthiness based on our eating behavior. Let’s stop this craziness, and put our relationship with food into perspective. It is just one of the many relationships we have in our lives. Relationships wax and wane-we’re not always happy with how the relationship is going, but the healthy ones last.

Let’s save the label of “bad behavior” for when we really shoot someone.

Becoming “at peace with food” is a journey that involves developing a new relationship with food. Instead of being marked by frustration and disappointment, by fear and competition between you and the food you eat, food will take its place as one of the many activities in your life, along with family, friends, working and being active. And, like these other activities, it should be pleasurable.

In order to be at peace with food, you need to learn about yourself and why you have the relationship you do with the food you eat. As with most relationships, your relationship with food was developed over time, and for that reason, will take time to change.

For more information on becoming At Peace With Food