“Not to be Believed”
Image by Halcyon
I entered Heaven.
Of course, nothing like Heaven as it is painted. But I’m sure any description of Heaven could have existed there.
What I saw was a perfection of color pattern and sensations. Most things were made of segmented "bricks" of colored light. Not uniform in size, but fitting together perfectly, like the scales on a snake.
Every part of this heaven world moves incredibly fast and my mind can barely register- in fact if I try to focus on something specific in the rapidly moving scene, I get the message, "you don’t need to DO anything. Just receive."
All shapes are rounded and geometric. Everything moves with precise fluidity – like robotic octopi tentacles. Lot of gold and white light. At times I – or parts of my body- are submerged in the color/light/liquid. There is a gravity that makes me feel held down…I want to relax every muscle and surrender fully.
It feels like everything is perfect. Perfection in sound. Perfection in visual delight. Perfection in sensation.
It is though some higher consciousness – with a creator’s understanding of my brain – has taken control of my synapses. I am experiencing pure delight in every way – and experiencing some sensations that I didn’t knew existed.
Something akin to an body orgasm + the feeling of swallowing a big gulp of water while thirsty + the elation of winning the 50 yard dash in 6th grade.
I feel as though my body is motionless – yet I am moved quickly around. Like I am being carried by this light. Like a living conveyor belt of liquid, translucent gold.
This first portion of the experience is beyond mind. There are no lessons or teachings that my human brain can grasp. It feels more like a peek at something. Perhaps a preview.
Perhaps it is like a divine, "Now downloading, please wait" graphic as deeper awareness – beyond conscious thought -flows into me.
Later when I have more control of my mind, I try to process, I find myself puzzled: Does this experience exist solely in my mind? Or is this experience trans-dimentional? Was that an internal or external experience of the divine oneness? In the end, it does not matter. Whether it exists within the cosmic DNA of my physical being, or in some other portion of the unknown universe – it does exist. Even as an idea = it does exist. And if it does exist, then the boundaries of the universe must be redrawn.
The intense portion of the experience ends rather abruptly after 10 minutes. But is followed by a longer period where the memories are vivid and my perceptions and thinking are coated with the golden bliss. Like my mind and body are covered in a lubricant of pure light and love.
The thoughts that run through me seem to bridge the 2 worlds. I keep my eyes closed and speak. What I share to others in the room has nothing to do with my experience in the light…but is influenced it.
I see the beauty of the human experience. In contrast to the perfection of the golden light, the human experience has a perfection, too. All the sorrow and trials and love and elation are perfect. The highs & lows of human roller coaster are a different part of perfection. The perfection of duality. Pure love – heaven – golden bliss – is, well, perfect. But it could get boring.
And in all the Universe, I would guess that the human experience is among the least boring.
So, as the All-One, non-dual, cosmic consciousness, why wouldn’t I spend a few millennia experiencing the gorgeous drama of humanity?
Just as we can delight in a horror movie…
Or enjoy the joy and frustration in a child’s soccer game…
Or happily work towards the success of a project for work…
We can enjoy the game of life.
Being human is all about participating in these small human dramas and letting ourselves feel the tension of it. We enjoy it because you know it isn’t truly "real." We know that it will end.
But any of these things can be horrific if you forget that you have taken on the experience by choice.
We can enjoy all the struggles of our human lifetime – knowing that they, too, will end. We allow ourselves to fall into the experience so that we can feel the intensity of it.
*** Innocence Lost ***
Socialization is the process of being taught a worldview. We are indoctrinated to believe that the culture – not anything internal – is the source of our happiness. Our jobs, our status, & our bodies are what is important.
This is taught.
A child doesn’t require the guidelines of socialization to seek their bliss. As they grow up, they are given layers of beliefs that cover up and stifle the divine heartsong.
This isn’t done with malice. On the contrary, we do it with love. Parents, teachers, & preachers all feel the responsibility of teaching a child how serious it all is.
At some point, we cross the threshold and go from following our heartsong to following the rules and trying to fit it. (or perhaps NOT fit it – but usually as an act of rebellion – not by following our heartsong.)
This is the moment we bite the apple and leave the garden of Eden.
We begin to care what others think. And, unfortunately, the "Other" in our society is A zealot with faith in the Commercial World. Things like the correct brand of shoe, job title, and the ideal % of body fat become the guideposts on our map.
*** Maps ***
But some things must be understood about maps:
A map is not the landscape. You can not understand the Grand Canyon by studying a map of it.
Following the ten commandments will not make you happy or get you into Heaven. Any sacred teachings – whether religious or cultural – are just maps trying to point us to joy. They are fingers trying to point us to the moon. But as the Buddhist say, "Do not mistake the finger for the moon."
This is especially important because of the second thing to remember about maps: They are not infallible – they contain all the innocent misunderstandings and malicious misleadings of those who made it.
Maps should always rank second behind our inner truth. Our inner heartsong. Our divine light. There is a tiny metal filing inside us that – when we tune into it – feels the gravitational pull towards Source.
Towards compassion. Towards love. Towards service.
Towards an awareness of being connected to all things.
Towards an awareness that Joy is the only guidepost to trust.
All maps. All external faith. All well-intended teachings.
Everything of the world must be seen as a finger pointing to the moon.
But it is the iron filing inside – and the pull it feels towards the moon – that is our ultimate compass.
Among all the distractions of the world, the gravitational pull of the moon seems miniscule. And without practice, it may seem to not exist.
But along your path you will meet people who feel that pull with absolute certainty. You will know them by the walk they walk and the peace in their eyes. Do not accept the words they say as truth – words are just maps. Let them be as helpful as they can be – and no more so.
This includes these words you are reading now.
The Buddha said to mistrust all teachings. He had the right idea. Or maybe he didn’t. Listen to your heartsong for the final word.
*** How ***
The process of amplifying your heartsong – and by that I mean the map as I see it – is one of Gratitude, Surrender, Acceptance, Love, and Service.
It starts – and continues – as a process of looking critically at your existing worldview. At first you may not know where to look because it feels the "The way it is," But I assure you it is only a map so ingrained in you that it seems like truth. Start to ask, "Why do I want to do this? Why does this anger me? Why am I judgmental in this instance? What would be the risk of being more compassionate or generous in this moment?"
*** Media ***
Turn off your television. Remove advertising from your life as much as possible. The goal of advertising is to trick you into thinking that a product or service will help you towards the moon. And in order to do so, it must convince you that you are off track. You are not thin, rich, or clean enough.
Entertainment is not evil. But marketing most surely is.
Make no mistake, media is not your friend. And with the way that corporations and media are so intertwined and consolidated, the sophistication by which we are fed this misleading map is intense.
*** Baseline **
The world is amazing. It is filled with so many miracles that we stop seeing them. We adjust our baseline to think triumphs like running water and peaceful streets to be taken for granted.
Make primary goal re-adjusting your baseline. Reset your set point so that you can find joy in the common place. I assure you that bird song, blade of grass and sleeping baby you walked right by are as amazing and god-affirming as the grandest spectacle. Don;t let the media steer you into believing what they think is amazing.
Make gratitude lists. Share examples of gratitude with friends, or strangers.
*** Practice ***
Maybe you live in the woods, growing your own food with fertilizer made from your own excrement. If so, how are you reading this? Turn off the Computer and get back to your farm!)
But most of us choose to live – to some degree – in the modern world.
And by doing so we must work hard – and consistently – to fight back the tide of false maps. We must turn away from misleading media and turn towards our heartsong. We must spend time with books, lectures, people, sticky notes, meditations, yoga, nature, & lovers that remind us of truth and amplify the gravity of the moon.
Thank you for being an amplifier of my heartsong. Thank you for being a part of my journey and so many others’. Thank you for being your beautiful, perfect self. And for growing into your divinity at your own perfect pace. Thank you for having patience with yourself and others. Thank you for having the courage to go within and trust yourself over all things external – especially these words.
I Love you.
Appendix: “Parts of my practice”
**Hug Nation archives
**Hug Nation live broadcast every Tues @1 & 6 pm PST
**Jacob Glass’s Happiness Boot camp.
**Halcyon’s Recommended Books / Lectures