How Do I Know For Sure My Husband’s Cheating?

I often receive emails or comments from women who ask me how they “can know absolutely with 100% certainty that my husband is cheating.”  Sure, they have strong suspicions and some even have proof, but 99.9% of the time, the husband will have an explanation for everything (even if these explanations are silly, non believable, and far fetched), and he’ll continue to lie to you and to deny everything.  So, how can you be sure that you’re right and he’s wrong? I’ll discuss this more in the following article.

The Clues That Point To Him Cheating: Of course, at first you have the things that just don’t add up that contribute to your suspicions in the first place. He’s working more.  He’s having weird things that just keep happening to him so that he appears to be the most unlucky guy on earth – his car breaks down, his cell phone dies, his computer crashes, etc. He smells different or you notice little marks on his body. You may also notice that he’s beginning to change or take more care in his appearance, he’s distant or critical, or he just doesn’t seem as interested in you anymore.

Of course, these are the things that a cheating husband can easily explain away.  He’ll tell you that in this economy, he must work late. He’ll tell you that he’s under a tremendous amount of stress right now and he’ll try to make you feel guilty for adding to his burdens with your accusations.  In truth, most of the time, he’s only trying to throw you off the trail.

The Clues That Mean You’re Getting Warmer In Knowing For Sure That He’s Cheating: What I described above are sort of the first line of clues that you’ll see. Although they are easily explained away, there are so many of them that it’s pretty easy to gather that something just doesn’t feel or seem right.

Typically, these things will lead you to a little more digging and usually you can come up with some proof or evidence from his electronics.  Most times, you can find strange phone numbers on his cell phone, or strange emails on the computer.  But again, he will likely claim that the number or emails belongs to a coworker or friend and that all of the conversations and emails were totally innocent and that you can not claim otherwise. 

Do you see where this is going?  You’ll need to see exactly what’s going down on these electronics.  In other words, you want to see the screens, messages, and texts as he saw them in real time.  And, there is a way to do this, even if he’s erased them and even if you don’t have his passwords.  There is software that can make quick work of this in a very few minutes.

Still, you might be surprised at the number of men who will still continue to deny any wrong doing.  They’ll say that they were just flirting or were just kidding around and that this communication doesn’t prove or mean anything as he stopped short of actually cheating.  At this point, you have a few choices.  You can just tell him that you don’t believe any of this and that you have enough things pointing to cheating so you’re going to assume that he is whether he denies it or not.  Or, you can decide to bide your time and to try to catch him yourself.

Catching Him In The Act: Some wives do not want to stop until they catch their husbands cheating red handed.  But, I must warn you, this confrontation almost always turns out bad.  Yes, you will get your answer, but it can be so painful to actually witness what you know deep down is true.  Actually seeing him with someone else can be an image that is almost impossible to erase. With that said, this is really the only way to know for sure if he’s cheating (although some men will still claim that you “caught” them before anything physical really happened.)

You can put a GPS tracker on his car and then go to the location to see them together.  Or, you can use a reverse look up to find out who the cell phone numbers belong to.  Just remember, you don’t want to do anything that you may regret or anything that will pull you down to their level. Often, you really don’t need to take this step once you’ve confirmed your suspicions with cell phone and computer software.  Many people want this “catch him in the act / face to face confrontation” because they think it’s going to make them feel better, but I can tell you truthfully that it rarely does.  I personally believe that you’re better off presenting him with the electronic trail and telling him that he can say what he wants, but he’s only digging himself a deeper hole by blatantly lying and insulting your intelligence since in your heart, you know the truth. 

I was in this same situation a short time ago. I knew he was cheating, but he would never admit it, even though his excuses were quite silly. I tried to believe him, but the doubts remained. I decided that I really wanted to know the truth, no matter what that truth was. I learned how to get concrete information and proof that my husband thought that he had hid and erased. Once I presented this to him, he had no choice but to come clean. You can read my very personal story at