Daily Archives: December 9, 2014

How To Get Over Being Angry At Your Wife For Cheating

It isn’t easy to get over being angry at your wife for cheating on you. It was a huge betrayal of trust in your marriage and her love as well as a low blow to your ego. Both blows sting quite a bit and neither will be easy to recover from.

Is your anger justified?

You’d be inhuman not to be angry at a time like this.

The bottom line is that it hurts when someone you love betrays you. It doesn’t harm your macho man image and won’t make you seem weaker among your peers if you show a little bit of anger over the situation. A good session of venting over a punching back might even be in order.

But when does anger cross the line from normal into the realm of problematic?

You’ve probably heard a thing or two about that thin line between love and hate. There is a lot of truth to that saying. Emotions, whether good or bad, have a habit of sweeping people along and leading people to do all kinds of things they wouldn’t do under normal circumstances.

Here are a few tips to help you get over that unhealthy anger and express your anger in a manner that is healthy and productive for your sake as well as that of the marriage.

Learn to Vent Your Anger

Punching bags are excellent tools for this. But you can also vent with pillows, running, writing music, creating works of art, writing letters, or even writing poetry. The key is in letting out all of your feelings so you can return to healthier and more productive lines of thought.

Express Yourself

It’s important that you are able to say what you have to say. It isn’t always important that you say those things to your wife.

One great exercise that many therapists use (because it is so effective) is to have people in situations like yours, sit down and write a long letter getting out all the things you want to say to your wife. Discuss things that relate to the affair and other problems in your relationship that have been building for years.

Get it all onto the paper and then burn the letter. The release of watching all that pain and rage go up in flames is therapeutic in its own right.

Put the Past Where it Belongs

Where is that? It belongs behind you. When you learn to leave the past in the past you’ll find that many of the problems in your relationship have just evaporated. Solve your problems. Find a place to move forward from. Once you do, leave all the problems of the past behind you and only look at what lies ahead.

Getting over your anger with your wife is necessary if you want to move forward in your relationship. Otherwise you may wait until it’s too late and you’re trying to get your ex back instead.

 

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Is a One Night Stand Really Cheating?

There are all sorts of cheating in relationships but there is a growing debate about whether one night stands really constitute cheating. Is a one night stand really cheating? Yes it is. But, and here’s the really big, but, it’s often easier for a partner to forgive a one night stand than it is to forgive a long and drawn out affair.

Of course, it must be one, one night stand and not an entire string of them. You should also avoid banking on that forgiveness. Some people have a different view of fidelity and the vows you took to forsake all others (and what it means to them) than you might. You know your spouse better than anyone else.

Before you decide to have that one night stand it’s a good idea to ask yourself what the response will be at home. No matter how hard you try to hide it, the odds are good that your spouse will find out – eventually. In the end, any cheating is still cheating in the eyes of the person being cheated on – even if some forms of cheating are easier to forgive.

Don’t forget to factor the law of unintended consequences into your equation when weighing the pros and cons of a temporarily pleasurable one night stand compared to the lifetime of love you are planning to have with your spouse.

Life is filled with “what if’s” and there are plenty of them to consider before taking the plunge and engaging in a one night stand.

What if a pregnancy occurs from the fling?This could be devastating to you and your marriage no matter if you are the man or the woman. The child that will result is your child and you will forever be bound to the person you had a fling with as a result. There are no guarantees that this will not happen no matter how careful you both happen to be.

What about STDs?No matter how careful you are there is always this possibility. STDs can not only destroy your life but also that of your spouse who you bring them home to. There is nothing on this planet that protects from every conceivable sexually transmitted disease. It’s a high price to pay for one night of potential pleasure.

What about the emotional aftermath?You can’t unring a bell. There is no going back once you’ve had that one night stand. It’s an experience you can’t erase. What if you fall hopelessly and madly in love with this other person? You may intend a one night affair or a casual fling but once that night is over will you be able to walk away unaffected?

 

It is best to think long and hard before you have a one-night stand about the possible ramifications. Even in the aftermath there are things you can do to make your marriage right again and even get your ex back after divorce.

 

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Learning How To Bring The Heat ? Ps3 Freezing Fix

Almost every new console that has come out, the first generation is plagued by some sort of huge problem. Looking at the Xbox 360 and Playstation 3 and their respective first generation consoles, this seems the case now than ever before. Manufacturers are making each newer console closer to computers and we all know that computer can have more than their share of issues. So the question is how do we find a PS3 freezing fix and get the PS3 running like it did right out the box?

Heat is the first consideration you should make in diagnosing the freezing problem. This has happened to so many consoles and will definitely cause the PS3 to eventually freeze. As we stated that computer have their share of problems and heat can cause computer to freeze or complete shut down.

You’ll want to try to shut down the computer for about 30 minutes and then powering it back up. While this may work, it is most likely there is more substantial damage. People were suggesting using a towel to absorb the heat when this issue was happening to the Xbox 360. Of course this isn’t a solution to the problem and the longer you try this the more damage can be done to the console because the main problem is not being fixed.

Another obvious step is to look for loose cables. If the cable for the hard drive is slightly loose then you can definitely expect the system to lock up. Cables going to the board being loose can also cause this problem so look thoroughly and make sure any cable you can find in firmly plugged in. You’ll also want to try to remove and reconnect the hard drive or better yet, if you know someone with a PS3 try using their hard drive and see if it will work. This will tell you right away if the hard drive is the main issue.

Adding a cooling pad or replacing the cooling fan may be another set of options if none of the previous tips work. At this point however you may have to take more drastic steps in getting the console repaired. You may just need a comprehensive guide that will teach you how to fix the PS3 freezing problem. There are so many guides that are available all over the net. The real challenge is finding one of real substance and quality that doesn’t cost an arm and a leg.

The best way to find the right guide is to look at reviews and forums about PS3 freezing fixes. While this will be a little bit of work, it will be a lot better to spend some time than to waste money on a guide that doesn’t really help you solve your problem. You will be glad you took the time when you find the perfect guide for you that will get you an actual fix for the PS3 freezing problem.

Don’t waste time in searching for tutorials for fixing PS3 freezing issues as many of them are completely outdated and will not be able to help you. You can learn how to fix an abundance of PS3 issues with incredible step by step guides that will help you fix your issues now.

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Ps3 Yellow Light Of Death Fix ? Getting Back To Peak Performance

I you’re one of the unfortunate owners of a PS3 that has been struck by the notorious PS3 Yellow Light of Death, you are no doubt searching for solutions to get the problem fixed. I will explore what choices you have to get your console working again at peak performance.

If you want to fix the yellow light of death on your PS3 you’ll have to understand what causes it to occur. Overheating of the console, which can lead to the soldering cracking and losing contact with the motherboard is the main cause of the yellow light of death.

To prevent overheating, make sure that there is a flow of cool air around you console. Be certain to keep it out of enclosed areas where the fan isn’t blocked or it will eventually overheat. Of course marathon gaming sessions will definitely aid in overheating the PS3 and may affect the systems lifespan.

If you are still under warranty, a good option to fix the PS3 yellow light of death is to send your PS3 back to Sony where they will most likely just refurbish it. Now if your warranty has expired you will have to pay up to $ 150 to get the console fixed.

If your warranty has expired, my first move would be to open the PS3 and see if I can reseat the hard drive. A loose hard drive can cause the yellow light of death as well.

One other tip you can try is to press down on the CPU, because a loose connection is essentially what causes this error. As the system components heat up they expand which will cause the CPU to become disconnected.

If these suggestions do not yield any positive results you need to get a thorough guide on how to fix the PS3 yellow light of death. There are several guides out there that will give you great step by step instructions that can help you get everything up and going in less than an hour.

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He Cheated And Got The Other Woman Pregnant. What Now?

I actually hear this question on a relatively regular basis. Although most people would probably assume that a man’s conceiving a baby with someone else means the end of the relationship, this is not always the case. Sometimes, the woman has children of her own with this man and doesn’t want for her children to lose their on site father because of one bad decision. Other times, the man is begging for forgiveness and swearing that the two of them can make it work if they just get help. Finally, I have even had women tell me that they feel compassion and some responsibility for the innocent child involved who now needs for everyone to act in a healthy and responsible way.

Still, this is a very difficult situation. Getting over his cheating and saving the relationship is difficult enough. But, having a constant reminder and a reason for the couple to have to interact with the other woman on a regular basis makes things even more difficult. I have seen a few instances where couples have been able to save their relationship and remain together in this situation. Many of them have similar characteristics and take similar actions. I will discuss this more in the following article.

It’s Often Necessary To Put The Child First When A Baby Is The Result Cheating: This seems to be a pretty straight forward concept. The innocent child can not control the way in which he was conceived. It’s not fair for him to feel the resentment and negative feelings that surround this issue. However, it’s easy to say all of this but it’s very difficult to put this into practice. The baby can be a constant reminder of what happened and the woman will often feel very guilty of the resentful feelings that she can’t seem to help.

However, I’ve seen couples who have been able to get help dealing with this and who have been able to turn the situation into a somewhat positive outcome. I’ve even seen couples who end up raising the child as their own. However, most people need outside help in order to be able to continuously do this in a healthy way.

I’ve also seen couples struggle greatly with this issue as they try to come up with a scenario that works best for and is bearable to everyone. The woman will often very much want to do the right thing, but there is a lot of resentment because she usually suspects that the other woman got pregnant on purpose or is using the baby to stay in the picture. There is also usually some resentment about the financial responsibilities that the family will now have to address. And the woman will often very much resent the husband’s part in this and how his decisions have put them in this situation.

Saving The Relationship After A Baby Is Conceived During Cheating Almost Always Involves Including The Faithful Person In The Healthiest Way Possible: It’s not uncommon for women to tell me that they very much want to keep the man’s baby with the other woman separate from their family. I will often hear things like “I know that this is his child and he must be responsible for it. But, he will have to do that on his own. This baby is not mine and I do not want for this to effect my family. He can do whatever he needs to do but he will have to keep that separate from us.” This is understandable. It’s often very painful for the woman to have to interact with the child and the other woman.

However, I have to tell you that I very rarely see this work out successfully. Usually, the woman will have serious trust issues every time the man goes to spend time with the child. She will wonder what is going on between the man and the other woman every time she isn’t there to see what is happening. The man will usually also struggle with conflicted, guilt feelings. It’s natural for him to want to love the child and be a part of his life. But, he will often struggle greatly with the guilt that this invokes and he’s very often caught in the middle between wanting to do right by his child and wanting to spare his wife and his family the pain that goes hand and hand with this.

That’s why it’s often necessary to involve the faithful woman in a way that everyone can live with. Yes, the mistress or other woman may not like this. But, she is going to have to make compromises also. She is this situation because of the actions that she chose to take. The situation is not going to be a perfect one for any of the people involved. But, in order for this to work in a healthy way, every one is going to need to put in the effort to make it work.

The couple will often need to be very clear about every one’s roles are going to be. It also helps to make it very clear to the other woman that the man’s relationship with her is limited to the needs of the child and that the couple will remain married and committed to one another. It’s important that she understands that although the man (and his family) will be there for the child, this commitment to the new child is not going to affect his commitment to his family. Often once the other woman completely understands and accepts this, she will begin to realize it’s a waste of time to try to take advantage of the situation and she should now worry about the well being of her own child.

In short, the relationship can sometimes be saved when the man’s cheating produces a child with the other woman. But, there are also often many issues to work out and every one will have to make a very conscious effort to put the child and his needs first and to try to interact in the healthiest way as is possible.

I struggled greatly with truly and completely getting over my husband’s affair, but I am now myself again. Although I never would’ve believed this two years ago, my marriage is stronger than ever. It took a lot of work, and I had to play the game to win, but it was worth it. Our bond and intimacy is much stronger and because of all the work I did on myself, my self esteem is at an all time high. I no longer worry my husband will cheat again. You can read a very personal story on my blog at http://surviving-the-affair.com/

Katie Lersch writes articles about moving past an affair.  Her corresponding blog is at http://surviving-the-affair.com/

Is It Possible For A Man To Cheat While He Still Loves You?

I am asked this question very often. Although most people don’t realize this, statistically speaking, many people aren’t ready to end their marriages when they have an affair or cheat. In fact, many husbands who are caught cheating actually never intended to get a divorce. This is very confusing and frustrating for the wives who are living in this situation. I often hear things like “he swears he never stopped loving me. He insists that his cheating had nothing to do with me or our marriage. He says the problem is within him and has nothing to do with his feelings for me. How am I supposed to believe this? How can you claim to love someone and then betray them and cheat on them?”

I very much understand these questions. You have every right to ask them. And, I have to tell you that you likely won’t understand the answer. It’s hard for wives who were faithful in their marriages even when things were difficult to understand how someone else made a different choice. Being unfaithful would likely never be a road that you would walk down. So, much of the reasoning that he might give you is likely going to sound like nothing more than excuses. Still, in the following article, I’ll go over some of the reasoning that men use when they swear they can still love their wives (or girlfriends) even though they cheated.

Why Men Will Tell You That They Can Still Love You Before, During, And After Their Cheating: It might be obvious by now that I’m a woman. It’s difficult for me to think like a man especially since I’m a woman who has also been cheated on. However, I have spent a lot of time researching this topic. I also have men who contact me through my blog that sometimes offer insights into their thinking. I can share with you what they share with me.

Many tell me that their cheating had very little to do with their wife. They tell me that it was a response to stress, doubt, insecurity, or crisis in their life. Sometimes this is due to aging, losing someone that they love, or feeling vulnerable in their job or in their own mind. Sometimes, they have low self esteem or little impulse control. They want to shield these things from their wife rather then share them with her. So, the cheating is often their attempt to quiet these things while keeping them from their wife. They will and can sincerely tell you that nothing in this process changed their love for their wife.

Granted, I’m sure there are husbands who are insincere about this and who are just trying to make themselves look a little less distasteful. But, most of the men that I dialog with appear to be quite sincere and appear to believe every word that they are saying. I’m not telling you this to make excuses for them. And by no means am I trying to diminish the blame that they deserve. I’m just sharing the things that I have heard to give you a bit more information.

Saying That He Loves You After His Cheating And Showing You That He Loves You Are Two Very Different Things: In my opinion, words are just that. They are only words. And, as they relate to this topic, they can perhaps make you feel slightly better. But, if there are no actions to follow up the words then doubt is going to eventually make it’s way into your mind and into your heart once again.

Sure, he can tell you that he loves you endless times, but if he does not change his behaviors and improve the vulnerabilities in your marriage, you aren’t likely to ever really believe him. It’s my experience that a man’s actions will show you much more than his words ever could, especially in this situation.

A man who never stopped loving his wife even though he cheated will take responsibility for his actions. He might insist that he never stopped loving you but he knows that this doesn’t excuse him from what he did. He knows that he has a lot of work to do and that fixing this mess lies mostly with him. He’s willing to accept this because he knows that he brought this on himself. He’s also willing to have generous amounts of patience and reassurance as you try to process and work through this. He’s not going to rush or pressure you. In short, he’s going to do whatever needs to be done to help you get through this even if none of it is pleasurable for him.

At the end of the day, every one makes mistakes. But those who are really remorseful for these mistakes and committed them while still loving you are willing to hang in there for the long haul. They will show you over time that they are willing to make the changes and adjustments necessary to regain your trust. These aren’t just easily said or empty words to them. They mean them. And they are willing to implement the actions and the behaviors that are meant to prove this to you because you are simply that important to them and they’ve realized from this experience that they don’t want to lose you or to put your relationship in jeopardy.

This is only my opinion and experience, but I do believe that it’s possible for a man to still love his wife or girlfriend even if he has cheated. However, in my mind, this should be a one time thing. A man who continues to cheat even after he knows the pain that this causes will generally have a harder time convincing his wife of his sincerity than a man who makes one mistake, never repeats it, and then does everything in his power to make it right.

Getting past my husband’s affair (and believing what he said) took a lot of time, hard work and effort, but it was worth it because I now understand him, our marriage, and myself much more intimately. This has strengthened our marriage, and I no longer worry that he is going to cheat again. You can read a very personal story on a blog at http://surviving-the-affair.com/

Katie Lersch writes articles about moving past an affair.  Her corresponding blog is at http://surviving-the-affair.com/